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[Photographs: Todd Brock]

Cheesecake + doughnut. A clever moniker hasn't been invented for it yet (I'm looking right at you, Cronut), but the very notion is so mind-blowingly decadent, so over-the-top drool worthy, that it should probably be illegal. Well, Krispy Kreme has said screw that with two new limited-time offerings. Now until January 26, they're hoping you forgo your usual hot glazed habit to try the Caramel Cheesecake Doughnut and the Chocolate Cheesecake Doughnut.

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The Caramel Cheesecake starts with Krispy Kreme's basic yeast donut (a fine start, I might add, but I'm a KK guy) and adds a center of creamy cheesecake filling. On top, caramel icing and graham cracker crumbles.

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The Chocolate Cheesecake features chocolate cheesecake filling (duh) and is topped with chocolate icing and brownie crumbles. I'm not sure what brownie crumbles have to do with replicating the classic cheesecake experience, but they had a chocolate theme to stick to.

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As any member of the select group of people who've seen me without a baggy T-shirt on can tell you, I clearly love doughnuts. But at the same time, I like to think of myself as a fairly simple dude. A purist, if you will, about many of the best things in life. I generally don't need a lot of overcomplicated bells and whistles gussying up my doughnuts, for example. Don't want a bunch of decorations and extra accoutrements piled on top, just making it harder to cram into my piehole. (Or doughnuthole, as it were.)

The way I see it, the more stuff you throw on top of a doughnut, the more pretty shrapnel I'm gonna be vacuuming off the floor later. So the crumbles on these babies are an element I could just as easily do without. The graham seemed like a cheesecake crust, I guess, but the brownie tasted dry and bland, almost like unsweetened chocolate. Blecch.

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As for that "cheesecake filling," neither doughnut's interior tasted like cheesecake to me. True, it's not overly sweet, and that is very much cheesecakesque. But texturally, this filling was more like a cross between mousse and frosting. (I totally have dibs on the word moussting, coming soon to a bakery and a dictionary near you.) And if a "cheesecake doughnut" doesn't remind you much of cheescake... what's the point?

Granted, it's still a doughnut. And a Krispy Kreme doughnut at that. They'd have to screw the pooch pretty catastrophically to make it a doughnut I'd turn my nose up at. So throw one into your next dozen for novelty's sake. But order a Caramel Cheesecake Doughnut or a Chocolate Cheesecake Doughnut over a good ol', standard-issue, hot-off-the-conveyor-belt-and glistening-from-the-icing-waterfall glazed Krispy Kreme? Here's a word for you: NO.

About the Author: Todd Brock lives the glamorous life of a stay-at-home freelance writer in the suburbs of Atlanta. Besides being paid to eat cheeseburgers for AHT, pizzas for Slice, and desserts for Sweets, he's written and produced over 1,000 hours of television and penned Building Chicken Coops for Dummies. When he grows up, he wants to be either the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys or the drummer for The Gaslight Anthem. Or both.

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